The start of a new year is a universally-recognised time for reflection and resolutions. Many of us focus on the wins: the milestones, the moments we’re proud of, and the successes that shaped our journey.
But let me ask you this: what about the regrets?
You know—the things you’d rather not think about, let alone dwell on. The missteps, the missed opportunities, or the times you stayed stuck longer than you should have.
Most of us have been conditioned to see regrets as failures. But what if we’ve been looking at them the wrong way?
What if regrets aren’t failures at all, but feedback?
Here’s why regrets deserve your attention—and how to use them wisely to realign with purpose:
The Psychology of Regrets: Why They Matter
When I explored why regrets don’t feel like something just negative to avoid (to me), I found research by Dr. Neal Roese, a leading psychologist in this field. His work highlights something fascinating: our regrets come from our ability to imagine “what could have been.”
This is called counterfactual thinking—and it’s part of how our brains process decisions and learn. Here’s what’s fascinating:
➜ Regrets of action (things we did and wish we hadn’t) tend to fade with time. We make peace with them because we can justify or rationalise what happened.
➜ But regrets of inaction (things we didn’t do) stick around. They linger. Because we’re left with unanswered “what ifs.”
In fact, those “what ifs” are often the loudest regrets of all – something I observe time and time again in career design.
And it explains why regrets aren’t merely uncomfortable—they’re insightful. They shine a spotlight on what really mattered to us. They whisper (or sometimes shout), “Hello, this was important. Pay attention”
When we use regrets as feedback rather than failure, they stop being a burden we carry and become a clear roadmap for our next career chapter.
1. Regrets Aren’t Failures—They’re Feedback.
➜ Regrets are best understood as signs of misaligned goals or values.
➜ They tell us where things didn’t “click” in our careers—or lives.
➜ Regrets are suggestions to realign with what matters most.
➜ They’re not roadblocks—they’re road signs.
Regrets offer us an important chance to recalibrate, helping us refocus on what realigns with our purpose.
2. They Spotlight the Moments That Mattered.
Regrets often arise from pivotal moments:
➜ A job situation you stayed in too long despite knowing it was wrong.
➜ An opportunity you hesitated to take.
➜ A conversation you avoided.
Regrets don’t just show us what went wrong—they highlight why it mattered. They certainly give us the insight and prompt we need to make better, braver choices moving forward.
3. They Can Realign Your Career.
✍ One of my own biggest career regrets was signing a permanent contract for a role that I knew felt wrong. After thriving as a consultant, where I felt liberated, it felt like selling my soul.
But that regret also became a wake-up call to important things:
➜ I value freedom, variety, and autonomy.
➜ No role is secure if it leaves you so misaligned that it becomes untenable.
Life is too short to stay in work that’s wrong.
Your Next Step
It doesn’t have to be about welcoming in another year. If this resonates, I challenge you to reflect on your regrets now—not to dwell on the past but to learn from it.
Ask yourself:
➜ What is this regret trying to teach me?
➜ How can I use this self-insight to make better-aligned decisions in the months ahead?
Your regrets hold the roadmap to your growth.
➜ So tell me, what’s one regret you’re ready to turn into a lesson?
Let me know if you want to make this the year regrets became the secret weapon for your career—because you learned to use them wisely!
