Have you ever thought about your career as another relationship? How much do you trust yours?
This weekend, I caught up with some friends, and our conversation drifted to work. What really struck me was how we all spoke about our jobs in deeply relational terms:
😕 “I’m feeling stuck.”
😕 “It’s the same, but I’ve changed.”
😕 “I’m giving it everything I’ve got, but I’m not getting what I need.”
It hit me: our careers are like relationships. And much like any other relationship, they need trust, effort, and attention to thrive.
But what happens when that trust starts to erode?
Here’s something worth considering: 85% of employees – globally – are somewhere between not engaged and actively disengaged in their work. That means only 15% feel connected to and fulfilled by that thing they do every single day!
So, how do you rebuild that trust with work when it’s wavering? In my coaching practice, I see five recurring work “relationship strains” that signal it’s time to realign – let’s see if any resonate for you:
1️⃣ Losing Yourself
You used to feel in sync with your job—it fit like a glove. But now, you can’t shake the feeling it no longer reflects who you are. Maybe you’ve grown, and you feel disconnected because your work has stayed the same while you evolved.
💡 Example: A client of mine, let’s call her “Emma”, realised her career had shifted so far from her values when even her successes felt hollow. She used her values as a compass to course-correct and redesign her career so it felt meaningful to her, not just something she was good at.
💡 Coaching Insight: Reconnect with those things you value closely. They’re your anchor when the fit feels off. Then use your strengths to take you where you want to go next.
2️⃣ Growing Apart
Your company landscape or the role you perform within it, has shifted so much it’s unrecognisable. It’s like waking up next to someone you barely know. You’re left questioning whether you’re noticed, valued or even seen. And definitely don’t feel alive and aligned – it’s more like every day feels more bankrupt of meaning.
💡 Example: “Diane” went through a corporate merger that left her feeling irrelevant in a once-thriving role. Her new leadership was focused on what value she brought to her work. When she focused her attention on what she needed from her work, her own values and wondered what still resonated about what she did, she found clarity about what lit her up. And it was suddenly easy to redesigned her next steps.
💡 Coaching Insight: Get curious about what’s changed. Is it time to adapt? Relationships end, and that’s ok too – is it time to start planning your next career chapter?
3️⃣ Constantly Overextended
You’re giving your all, but the relentless pace and demands are spreading you too thin. You’re achieving less, not more, and wondering if you’ve reached your limit.
💡 Example: A senior manager I worked with found herself clocking endless hours but felt her performance slipping. By redefining success and setting healthy boundaries, she reclaimed her energy, and sense of living a well-designed career-life—and her results.
💡 Coaching Insight: Pause and assess. What would success look like without burnout? How could you set better boundaries? And if you’ve tried everything and still feel constantly overwhelmed, is the problem environmental? In which case, how will solve that?
4️⃣ The Almost Achiever
You’re consistently close to that breakthrough—whether it’s a promotion, recognition, or big project—but it never quite happens. And that leaves you working hard and not knowing why.
💡 Example: “Eleanor” who was repeatedly passed over for leadership roles finally asked for feedback and discovered a blind spot: she needed to advocate for herself in key meetings and relationship build with key stakeholders. That one insight unlocked her next-level career growth.
💡 Coaching Insight: Ask for specific feedback about what’s holding you back. Unless it’s actionable, it’s not specific enough for you. Why? Clarity turns frustration into action.
5️⃣ Unseen Contributor
You’re pouring everything into your role, but your efforts seem invisible. Appreciation is sporadic or nonexistent, leaving you questioning your worth.
💡 Example: “Leah” felt unacknowledged despite delivering on every project. By focusing on aligning her contributions with strategic company goals, she finally gained the visibility—and recognition—she deserved.
💡 Coaching Insight: Visibility isn’t about shouting louder. It’s about aligning your contributions with what matters to your organisation. And maybe doing a little of your own PR!
Why Trust Matters in Work Relationships
In personal relationships, trust is non-negotiable. We wouldn’t tolerate a partner constantly letting us down. So I wonder why do we tolerate it in our careers?
When trust in our work wobbles, I watch those I work with feeling stuck, unclear, or underappreciated. It’s worth understanding this erosion of trust can be the first step toward clarity and change.
How to Rebuild Trust in your Relationship with Work
💡 Action Step for the Week Ahead: Ask for specific, actionable feedback from a colleague, manager, or client. Then reflect:
📝 Are you using your strengths daily, or only on the edges of your work?
📝 If your talents aren’t valued, is it time to explore a role that supports your potential?
A Coaching Thought for You
Trust takes courage. Asking for feedback can feel daunting- or even vulnerable, but it’s the first step to:
🎯 Reigniting a sense of agency
🎯 Sparking your sense of purpose
🎯 Repairing your relationship with work
🎯Feeling noticed, visible and valued again
If you’re feeling stuck in work that’s wrong, and worried about that, please consider this:
Trust in yourself first. Your career story is still unfolding, and you have the pen in your hand.
Please know you don’t have to rewrite your next chapter on your own. Just let me know if you’re ready to have a coach as your co-author!
